Got The Blues?

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I’ve got it, and not the musical kind. The “I-really-hate-my-life-but-not-really-I’m-just-really-dissapointed” type would be right on the dot. It’s my own fault too, and an un-organized person, but I can’t say that because I really love that person. I may be the one to blame for my own blues, but it doesn’t mean I won’t complain about it. Today’s the day I’m going to have a rare Debby Downer post.  I’m sad, give me a break.

I paid to see a play,  I actually looked forward to seeing it (not just because I would skip some classes), and I genuinely thought I WOULD go see it. In fact, I’m 100% certain that three people (myself included) didn’t see it at all. It’s not because we were bad or misbehaving. We were good students. The fact-of-the-matter is that there weren’t enough rides.

What kind of person wouldn’t organize enough rides? A very loved person, so no hating on their part. That’s also the biggest problem, me “loving” too much. All three of us stood, awkwardly and utterly embarrassed, on the sidewalk. Two other people had been the same before, which would make up five ride-less students, but they managed. It was my friends and I alone and stranded when suddenly we were given an opportunity.  There was a ride, one seat left, in a car jam-packed with a bunch of students.

I could have gone, really. One of my friends was already on the phone with their parent, asking to be picked up. But I could feel the awkwardness and embarrassment oozing out from us. I thought,” If my friend would go, leaving me alone, I don’t think I would be mad. Maybe disappointed, but I love them a lot, so they can just go.“. I’m not trying to come off as having a hero complex, but that’s literally how I felt. So what if I wanted to see a play? I wasn’t going to leave my friend behind, even if they did, because I can handle awkwardness and embarrassment. I practically am the living reincarnation of the two. I could not bear the thought, though, of leaving a friend to feel the worst thing in the world: alone. 

I played off the offer real smooth, though I really wanted to say yes. This play was on one of my favorite books, so of course some may think “Don’t let your friends stop you” or “You should have just gone”. I get that. This, however, is not (as far as I could see) some once-in-a-lifetime-chance. If there is one thing I know I would regret from this unfortunate event, it would have been leaving my friends behind to fend for themselves. As Sean Lennon has said, “There are only really a few stories to tell in the end, and betrayal and the failure of love is one of those good stories to tell.”

If I had “betrayed” (I feel like it’s too strong for a simple event like this, but I’m no mind reader either. If I had taken that seat, maybe they would have seen it that way) them, then I know I would have done the wrong thing. I have principles, and yes, it’s pretty simple and a bit naive, but it’s my principal after all (get your own, no judging): Do the right thing.

I tend to drift away from my principle, but I am a human. I’m prone to make mistakes. So, knowing that I did the right thing comforts me…but it doesn’t mean that I can’t complain about it. Humans also need to vent and rant.

And so now I’m here. In Study Hall, ranting my feelings to you readers.

Get a chance to see the play “To Kill A Mockingbird” bloggers, readers, and Debby Downers alike.

Misu ❤

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