Miranda the Marvelous


“I demand a refund” Miranda declared.

Travis was poking at his food. The furry clump was far from “Beef and Mash”. Or maybe it was exactly that.

“This was supposed to be a mint condition AKB48 CD” she huffed, slamming the CD case in front of Travis. “Does this look like it’s in mint condition?”

“Yes” Travis said. There was nothing on the CD that he could see. Then again, Miranda was always comparing her hawkeye vision to what she called his “blindness”. “Your inattentiveness conceals everything from you. You might as well declare being legally blind, but don’t worry. I can heal you” he remembered her saying once.

“Ugh. Nevermind” She threw her hands up in the air, tossing the CD behind her.

“I thought you were going to get a refund for that” Travis said, picking at his furry food. He honestly didn’t understand how food could be furry and ultimately how the school could legally give students food that was furry. Something must have went amiss with the law when it came to food distribution.

“There’s no point. I remembered that the agreement we made specifically denied any refunds” Miranda opened her lunchbox, revealing a glorious lunch consisting of food that actually looked edible. Goldfish, an apple, a sandwich that looked like Ham & Cheese with lettuce and mayonnaise and mustard and- Travis couldn’t take it anymore. He needed her food.

“Sharing is caring,” he said. Miranda cocked an eyebrow, her lips pressing together. All tell-tale signs of a plan being thought of. Is the food really worth it? He asked himself. Food is life, you must sustain yourself. School doesn’t let out for another two hours. Hell yeah it is. 

“You know the rules,” Miranda began with a sly smile. “You have to do anything I say, as long as it’s in the bounds of the law, of course”.

A bit of Travis’s pride was lost, but he didn’t eat breakfast, and if he wanted to die the “Beef & Mash” would easily take care of him. This request was a solution to his impending hunger. He had to take it. He nodded in agreement. Miranda’s smile widened.

“You have five minutes to charm those ladies over there, and get their numbers” Travis’s determination sank. Among those “ladies” was his almost-kind-of-crush-but-also-his-ex-girlfriend, Emily Meisenweiner. He would just have to deal with hunger; no way was he going to talk to his third grade ex. Their relationship had ended badly after he broke her macaroni necklace.

“I can’t” he said, defeated. “I’ll just go hungry”

Miranda passed over her goldfish to him. “Your face was priceless” she said between her hysterical laughing. “Enjoy your hard-earned food, my simple friend”

“You know I can’t talk to ex-girlfriends” Travis said before shoving the delightful food into his mouth. He savored the tasted of the salt.

“I don’t know why, it’s not like elementary girlfriends remember you as you do so much them”

“I remember, though, and that’s enough embarrassment for myself. I don’t need them to benign our precious memories or bring up my blunders” he said. It was a bit concerning to himself the way he, almost religiously, refused to talk to ex-girlfriends. But what could he do? His pride was already down to a minimum since his very public break-up with his ex in fifth grade had ruined his rep. in middle school.

“Idiots never fail to weaken my theory on them” Miranda let out, sighing.

“Are you calling me an idiot?” He asked.

“You’re far from that,” she smiled. But Travis could see through that smile as easily as he did the now empty bag. The goldfish were gone. His stomach was saved, three cheers for Miranda. Huzzah, Huzzah, H- wait. Is that bad or good that I’m far from it? He thought.

“What do you mean far from it?” He asked, a bit of offense in his tone.

“That’s a matter of perspective, really” she smiled.


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